"Argh! I didn't even know I did it!" came the anguished sigh from my coaching client Kate.
Following feedback from her team, it had just dawned on her she was a 'Leadsplainer' - a phrase I coined last year [© High Hopes!].
I described 'Leadsplaining' as:
"'Helping' less experienced team members by re-phrasing or repeating what they've said because you think that's the way to get them heard or because you think you'l make the point better."
Make planning feel less like navigating a maze on a unicycle.
So, the days are getting longer. And brighter.
And there’s a slight whiff of optimism in the air. But we don’t really trust it do we?
We hoped things would iron themselves out after a global pandemic – how many times did you hear or say, ‘At least we’ll be back to normal soon!’
But…then a cost-of-living crisis.
And a recession.
And for those of us in the UK we had ‘that’ budget – which may or may not have lit your fire… And then there’s the upcoming election.
How many times have you used the phrase - "Well, it depends how you look at it?"
And was it just a platitude to shut down a disagreeable point? Or did you mean it?
I really hope you meant it. Because it's true.
I'm not a comms expert - despite how much I have to say!
But I do like to think I can make a point... and make it clear... (and if you're now singing 'You're the Voice' by John Farnham, you've given your age away).
But we might not be landing the points we need to. Let me expand.
I was running a training session recently where one of my favourite quotes from Brene Brown came to mind:
"Never underestimate the power of being seen."
I was working with a mixed level group developing their Change Confidence. One of the most senior and vocal people in the room (let's call her Kate) kept stopping to lean in and hear what a quieter, much less experienced member of the group was saying (let's call him Jamie).
Sometimes it's the simplest advice that has the biggest impact. Case in point:
Client: We’ve introduced a mentoring programme for senior women, removed names from job applications, and run unconscious bias training for our leaders. But I know we still have a problem getting diverse voices into leadership. [Sigh]
Me: How are you measuring success?
Client: We’ve got the data consultants running some analysis on diversity.
Me: What’s the feedback on the ground on the things you’ve done so far?
Client: Erm. Don’t know.
In amongst all the emails telling you the thing you bought in December is now half price (argh!) here's one that's worthy of a pause.
We’ve hit the reset button and have a brand spanking new year to play with.
And like fresh new snow that you’d love to walk in – you have a chance to make your mark in 2023 in exactly the way you want to.
So, who’s feeling a little bit tired? A little bit flat with dark evenings? A tiny bit overwhelmed with the political minefield of Christmas gifts and visits?
Who’s feeling just a little bit uninspired?
Never fear. Inspiration is only a text or WhatsApp away.
How many times have you heard (or said) the phrase – ‘I just say it like it is. I’m not here to make friends. I’m here to get stuff done’. Argh!
And how many times has it been met with universal approval? Never.
But…we all need to share our ideas or concerns. To challenge and be heard.
To my utter frustration, I’m coaching some clients right now who (through no fault of their own) have an issue with a lack of clarity in their roles.
These are c-suite leaders. Talented, focussed people who just want to be great. But they’re unable to flippin’ get on with it.
In some cases, nobody can agree on the key purpose of the role to begin with. In others the role is new, and the organisation just doesn’t get it.
So, I had the absolute joy of watching the Lionesses (England Women’s Football Team) trounce Norway by a record breaking 8 – 0 last Tuesday evening in the Euros.
But… I couldn’t enjoy the game as much as I wanted to because I was too busy shouting at the TV (ask my husband, I do it a lot with sport!).
Why all the anger? Well, Martin Sjögren, the Norway Manager, just sat back and watched his team disintegrate to a first half score of 6-0.
But the game plan obviously wasn’t working.
And he did nothing…
So, I managed to get a fishbone jammed through my tonsil whilst enjoying a delicious lunch with a coaching colleague… #nomoreredmullet
I’m fine now, thank you.
But I wasn’t fine for a while.
Are you in danger of doing 10 things badly rather than 3 things well?
Are you feeling like the proverbial butterfly, flitting in and out of key projects without feeling like you’re really making a difference?
You’re not alone.
Almost every client I speak to right now is feeling that way.
For every 66 women we talk to about their personal style, we talk to 1 man about theirs.
In 2022 we still seem utterly obsessed with how women behave.
Heard at a recent leadership webinar I attended…
“Experience isn’t worth anything –
it’s the reflection on that experience that counts.
If we don’t reflect, we’re choosing not to get wiser”
In amongst some theory about wisdom (perhaps too much theory if you ask me), that statement stood out, and I couldn’t stop thinking about it all afternoon.
So, why is reflection such a big deal?
Let me just say for the record – I know you’re fabulous. I know you’re uniquely skilled to do what you do, and they’d be lost without you…
(Yes, you guessed it, there’s a ‘but’ coming)
…but…what makes you think it’s all down to you?
Picture the scene: I’m on my way to work with an amazing client and facilitate their workshop. The prep is done, the agenda is set, and I’m ready!
You’ll be pleased to know that improving the speed and quality of decision-making doesn’t have to involve a headache-inducing re-structure of your teams and meetings.
But it does involve some thought.
Try these tips and reap the rewards.
The things that feel like missed opportunities right now are telling you a lot about your priorities going forward.
Do you tell yourself you were always destined for greatness? Perhaps evidenced by your powerful portrayal of ‘Tree in Wood’ in the school play?
Good quality feedback is FREE development, it just involves some time and effort in asking and interpretation.
Having fun to anticipate is a basic human need. And it manages anxiety.
Your team have been through a lot. But you can help them bounce back. What can you create in their diary now for them to look forward to in the future?
I loved horror B-movies when I was younger. Who can forget The Fly? Or Halloween? But there’s a horror story unfolding in many organisations right now: The Revenge of the Cancelled Project!
What makes a memorable leader? For one of my most memorable bosses it was his consistency and his style.
I’m not a betting woman, but if I was, I’d put good money on you not being as adaptable or flexible as you think you are.
You’ve probably thrown most of your plans from January 2020 out the window. I’m afraid it’s time to throw out one more – your development plan – and here’s why…
Your team doesn’t need a Superhero: Here’s how to be a better leader right now.
